still in bostaoun

i come to you today with a heavy heart.
saddened and mad and hurt
but passionate and hopeful.

(mom, you're not going to like this post,
just look at the pictures on the facebook fan page.)

news comes to me of yet another hate crime in Spokane, WA
this time it ended in (only?) with some bumps and bruises,
a broken nose,
and our broken hearts and spirits.
punched and ridiculed and thrown to the ground
because of their sexuality
(lame)

these sort of violent acts keep happening.
its happening to people i know
and people you know
(it has happened to me, and to some of my closest friends)
it happens in places you know and live and visit
(you just might not be aware of it)
and as much as we want to ignore it, to turn a blind eye
to pretend its not an issue in our community
it just keeps happening.

it is more than cases you see in the news:
hitting and kicking
or stabbing
or pushing
or killing


its in the everyday acts
its the silence
and having to hide yourself
its the "friends" that stop speaking to you
its "faggot" or "dyke" or "queer" or "that's gay"
(etc)
its being told that "god" hates you and you're going to hell
that you are an abomination.
that you're disgusting and abnormal and deviant and not acceptable as you
it is the dirty looks
and hurtful words.
(the list goes on)



[please note: i am not placing blame, i am expressing my thoughts]


getting your ass kicked just because of who you love
or what you look like.
don't we know by now
a human is just a human.
hate is something i simply cannot understand.
it is terrifying that there are people who hate me
hate.
to the point of wanting to physically hurt me
even end my life
because they dont like who i am.
because we dont see eye to eye.
they have never met me
they dont even know my name
but they will call me a queermo.
they will ridicule me
they will try to harm me and those i surround myself with.
they will work diligently to make me unequal,
(or at least to make me feel unequal)
and take away my rights,
or to simply hurt my feelings or ruin my day.


is life not hard enough just living it?
even for people who aren't necessarily "different"
(though, aren't we all? isn't this kind of the point?)
the pressure is on, always.

dress a certain way
speak a certain way
don't dance like that
why are you so strange
your hair looks funny
you laugh too loud
dont act that way
drive a certain kind of car
live in this area, not that one..

all so we can be higher up on some invisible heirarchy
so that we can try to feel right by comparing ourselves to others.


who told us there is anything wrong with us in the first place?

when our perceptions- of others or ourselves-
drive our interactions, opinions, behaviours
we miss out on so much.
we become so preoccupied with our own agenda that we end up completely oblivious to the needs of others.
we get so lost in ourselves that we end up missing what is going on around us.

people are not interruptions.

i am inspired by Sara Quin, who wrote,
"I am fueled by the idea that my life as a message dismantles the public's image of gay people as sexual deviants, as less than, as being abnormal."
it is my desire to live my life this way.
to advocate not only for equality
but for acceptance.


life is hard and full of sorrow.
but life is beautiful when we love and are loved.

word.